Close of BDSM Week - What is the Perfect Dom?

Today I have a special treat!!!

I've got 3 different authors with me today - Cassandra Carr, Sascha Illyvich, and Doctor Charlie Ferrer.  We will be discussing what makes a Dominant and how do you choose the right one.

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First up is Cassandra Carr -


What is the Perfect Dom?

To my mind, there is no one "Perfect Dom" - there's a perfect Dom for each person, but it changes depending on the personality of the submissive and what they are looking for in their experience with D/s. Overall, though, a Dom should be caring, observant, respectful, and willing to listen. A good Dom understands that if the submissive isn't getting what they need out of the relationship he has failed. And anyone who thinks the Dom holds all the power in a D/s relationship hasn't looked very carefully at the lifestyle.

What makes a good BDSM Book?

As far as what makes a good BDSM book, this is also largely subjective based on what you like in the BDSM world. Some people go in for really hard-core scenes, whereas others don't have the stomach for it. The only things I think every BDSM book needs to have are believable characters, realistic motivation, and accurate portrayals of the lifestyle. Hopefully no one is reading a book and then saying, "I want to try that!" without doing some additional research first. So if something looks hot, people, find out more about how to safely do it before you try it out.

I have two books releasing later this year: Head Games, book 1 in the Buffalo Intimidators series, coming from Siren Bookstrand, and Caught, a BDSM holiday-themed novella releasing through Loose Id. You can find out more about them at my website:http://www.booksbycassandracarr.com.


Cassandra Carr

Talk To Me - Release 3/22/11


Cassandra has offered a few signed Romance Trading Cards for the end of event drawing!!
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Next we have a Sasha Illyvich-

True Power in the form of a Dominant

By Sascha Illyvich

Those of you just reading this, welcome to my world. I'm an erotic romance author with 12 years of Lifestyle/BDSM experience and am going to share with you what I think makes a successful dominant outside of our reading experiences in erotic bondage.

What makes a successful man? If we’ve muddled through Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, we’ve probably figured out a great sleeping method! The book was written in 1920 something and language-wise, was a sleeper. But there are factors here that help us define the successful man and Dominant in BDSM too. But most of you are probably readers of erotic romance

The following factors I believe are key to writing successful dominant men in erotic fiction:

Confidence – In himself first and foremost. If he can handle any situation that comes his way, then he can obtain his life’s dreams, which may include that woman who is just for him and the family they want. When a man is confident, his image clearly demonstrates that. His actions demonstrate that. In any Lifestyle choice, the man must be confident of himself. He's allowed to not know answers, that's just part of learning. But a successful male or female dominant exudes confidence, not ego.

A healthy Ego – Ego driven by desire helps get the ball moving in life. I desire something so strongly that I’ll do anything to get it. Ergo, so will our dominants.

Desire or Passion – Not just passion for the Lifestyle or regular bullshit, if we don’t desire anything, what is there for us? Are we listening to anything at all? By that I mean, do men desire fame, fortune? Lots of sex? A family? Great life?

Purpose – A man with a purpose is aware of himself and why he’s here. He doesn’t spend time questioning himself. He knows where he's going and who should accompany him on the journey as the submissive gives him a special gift that will empower them both.

Support – From loved ones. From anyone who constructively helps and motivates us.

A sense of right and wrong – Notice I did not say morals. Morals are subjective to different whims. One of my Dominants wants me and another male. By “moral” standards, that’s wrong. I don’t get how but some folks don’t see it that way. However, we both have a sense of right and wrong. No child harmed, always try to do best for everyone involved, etc. A man with a sense of right and wrong trusts his gut. More often than not, he’s powerful in his own right.

Lastly, successful Dominants aren’t afraid of Failure. They understand that it’s an event that triggers a learning experience and a chance to grow.


Sascha Illyvich


Erotic Romance Author – http://saschaillyvichauthor.com
Fetishist – http://www.saschaillyvich.com
Radio Dentata - http://shows.radiodentata.com/shows/unnamed-romance-show/
Twitter – http://www.twitter.com/SaschaIllylvich
Erotic Expert – http://www.writesex.net

Siddella's Submission

                         Siddella's Surrender
                          

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And finally Dr. Charley Ferrer- 

How to Choose the Right Dominant 

By Dr. Charley Ferrer 

There are three simple steps to get started in finding the right Dominant: know what you want, ask questions, check references.

(1) Know what you want: Before you start your search for a Dominant (whether male or female) it’s essential to know what you are looking for. What is it you desire to share? Is it just play, occasional interactions, a Master/slave relationship, etc.? Make your Fonzie list (as I like to call it) of all you desire and want to share as well as the attributes you desire. This shows that you’re not just being another “kid in the candy store” but taking responsibility for yourself, your desires, and what your bring to your potential Dominant. Yes, these desires may change with time and experience; however, it’s always good to have a starting point—a foundation to build on.

Ensure that you’re looking for the right type of Dominant. If you’re new, you don’t want a Sadist even if your fantasies prompt you in that direction. smiles. Knowing the type of Dominant you desire will help avoid frustration on both sides. For instance: do you want a Daddy/Mommy Dom, a Sensual Dom, a Master, a Service oriented Dom or a Sadist? Each of these types of personalities brings something different to the Whip, so to speak. Knowing what you desire to share is the first step before ever starting your search for a compatible Dom/me.

(2) Ask Questions: Once you have an idea of the type of Dominant you seek, form a list of questions that you’d like to know about the Dominant and their character. What do they desire to share? What do they seek in a submissive/slave? How often will they wish interaction with you 1x week, 1x month? Do they have any other submissives/slaves already? etc. As with any relationship, communication is paramount--in a D/s relationship, it is essential.

(3) Check References: Talk to others in the Lifestyle about who you’re thinking of interacting with. Are they a safe and conscientious player? Ask their prior play partners or past slaves/submissives what they were like. (People sometimes show a different face in public then they do in private—find out what it is!) Watch your potential Dom/me in action. Pay attention to what I call the “eebbie jibbies” that you feel. A little trepidation and anxiety is expected when interacting with a new Dominant. However if you get major warning bells going off in your stomach or get the feeling “something’s just not right”, don’t play!

Though everyone loves to throw out the term SSC and that everyone should always play “Safe Sane and Consensual”, the truth is BDSM is also mired in RACK interactions. (RACK--Risk Awareness Consensual Kink). Therefore be responsible for your decisions to interact with another and keep yourself safe. Be consciously aware that there are risk involve in all types of D/s interactions whether physical or emotional ones. And know that things won’t always be “fun” and sometimes there will be a “bad scene”, that’s realism. Learn from it and avoid it or make it better in the future.

Always have your “safe person” back up when playing and use your “safety call”. Play publicly for the first 5-10 interactions. Yes, I know it’s wonderful to play privately as you can do so many more deliciously wicked things, however, playing publically or at private play parties will give you a good assessment of what the Dom/me is like as well as what you can expect from them in terms of Aftercare and follow-up.

If you’re new to the BDSM lifestyle, I also recommend reading BDSM THE NAKED TRUTH as it shares with you valuable information about the various personalities, both Dominant and submissive, that engage in BDSM activities and the ones to avoid. I’d love to tell you everyone in the D/s lifestyle is wonderful and honorable but there are jerks here as there are in the vanilla world. BDSM THE NAKED TRUTH also provides various ways to help you navigate and avoid many of the common mistakes and pitfalls present in the Lifestyles. Sorry is this seems like a shameless promotion for my new book, it’s really not. It’s just that this is the only book I know of (in the 15+ years I’ve been involved in the BDSM lifestyle) that actually gives you an unbiased look into Dominance and submission and provides helpful hints to navigate through its various emotional and physical levels.

I hope you find what you seek. And remember, just like Goldilocks, you’ll have to try a lot of different ones before you find the one that’s “just right” for you.

Live with passion,

Dr. Charley Ferrer

Author:

 BDSM THE NAKED TRUTH

BDSM FOR WRITERS


Dr. Charley has also been so wonderful to donate an ebook copy of her newest release BDSM THE NAKED TRUTH to one lucky winner! Winner will be drawn from total comments made during the event!